top of page
Search
  • Writer's pictureElise Braunschweiger

Hinge’s 2024 LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. Report

And how "Slowmances" might help daters better achieve emotional intimacy in their relationships


Just a few days ago at the start of this year’s Pride Month, Hinge released their 2024 LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. Report. Highlighting their Database, Advice, Trends, and Expertise for the year (hence the acronym), Hinge polled 14,000 queer people in order to get insights into what they wanted from their dating experiences. Hinge then offered advice and resources on how to scaffold these types of relationships.


The biggest takeaway from their research? Emotional intimacy is the number one dating topic that LGBTQIA+ daters are concerned with. 

“Emotional intimacy” was the topic that queer daters sought the most advice on, with 50% wanting to learn to build better trust with partners and 58% saying they want to learn how to better communicate their wants and needs.


In order to achieve a relationship that possesses these qualities, Hinge suggests what they refer to as a “slowmance,” which they describe as “dating more consciously… slowing the pace down to enjoy the ride rather than rushing things, putting clear boundaries in place, and setting intentions.” This allows people to build emotional intimacy, as well as to have the time and trust to confidently communicate your wants and needs when the time comes to commit. 


But how, exactly, do we successfully achieve the “slowmance,” instead of rushing into things? Hinge shared a few tips for this as well, offering three distinct techniques - 


Embracing a Soft Start
  • Their research showed that queer daters prefer to keep initial conversations light in order to break the ice and build rapport without the pressure to be fully vulnerable. 

  • 64% of those polled said humor on someone’s profile made them more inclined to reach out. 

  • Only 20% of daters wanted to skip small talk and go right to deep conversation. As a matchmaker, I can say that this 20% often believe that everyone else feels how they do, which is part of why they go deep conversationally. My advice? Don’t burn bridges rushing into heavier topics on a first date when most people would be happy to later discuss them down the road. 


Plan Low Pressure Dates
  • Most daters want to be in a relaxed environment where they can focus on getting to know each other. 

  • 91% of daters would be open to going to a second location if the date was going well.

  • The preferences for low-stress first date venues were coffee shops (31%), followed by bars (21%) and restaurants (20%).


Go for a Soft Launch
  • This could be bringing your new date to events as a ‘friend,’ introducing them to your social circle in a low-pressure way, or posting subtle photos/videos to social media.

  • Many LGBTQIA+ daters prefer soft-launching a relationship first because they want to enjoy the early stages of the relationship before involving others (58%), protect their own privacy (44%), and understand each other’s boundaries (40%).

  • 53% of trans daters and 42% of queer daters who said they prefer to never launch their relationships make this choice due to privacy and safety concerns. 


My thoughts?


The report shows some interesting trends amongst LGBTQIA+ daters. In terms of how we're approaching our dating strategy, there are some positive takeaways - focusing on building emotional intimacy, advocating for our own needs? I’m so glad to hear that’s what we’re working towards! If the collective dating pool is setting those intentions, I hope that means more honest, intentional dating for us all.


It was a bummer to see how many LGBTQIA+ daters said that they felt the need to "never launch their relationships" due to fears around privacy or safety. I'd be interested in exploring other recent studies on this but at minimum, everyone should feel safe to love and date whatever genders they want to.


I was also surprised to see the data on preferred first date topics, especially given most people (80% or so) wanted to start with small talk instead of jumping to deeper conversations. The topics queer singles said they wanted most to engage with on a first date were: personal growth (58%), identity (51%), family dynamics (32%), and social issues (32%). Hinge went on to say, “for LGBTQIA+ daters, the personal is often political, so talking about these issues upfront is a way to align on value systems. Sharing on these topics can also help establish what makes you you, while also helping to create trust.” 


I think the question of “how deep should I go?” or “how vulnerable should I be?” on a first or second date is a good one to ask ourselves, and I’d also argue that the answer will likely be different depending on who you’re talking to. There are times where we might feel very safe to be open with someone, but in reality we might be burning a bridge because we have little rapport built for them to properly place our opinions in a wider context of who we are. 


For example, sharing about your gut-wrenching break up or recent mental health episode on a first or second date is likely not the best idea. We can continue to show people those more complex parts of ourselves as we develop emotional intimacy, but we might not get the chance to do that if we’re too forward too soon. 


All in all, Hinge’s D.A.T.E. Report is an excellent, free resource based on data they’ve collected from queer users on their platform. It offers do’s and don’t’s, FAQs, expert-backed advice, and insights from their surveys. Check it out and let us know in the comments what you think!


And if all of the Pride excitement has you wanting to get back out there to date, please don’t hesitate to contact our team for all the different ways we can assist you in finding a partner. We're always here to help.



13 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page