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  • Writer's pictureElise Braunschweiger

Dating App Fatigue

And three ways to better your chances of success.

For many of us, dating apps have become our sole method for sourcing potential partners. Why is it that these platforms seemingly rife with ample opportunity seem to have such a low success rate? 

In 2023, Pew Research Center took a survey of US adults using dating apps and found that 30% of all adults surveyed have used a dating app, with a whopping 53% of people under age 30 having been on them at some point. In terms of consumer satisfaction, the study interestingly found that users had polarizing experiences - while about half of dating app users said they had positive interactions, 48% said they came across at least one of four unwanted behaviors the survey explored: receiving unsolicited sexual messages or images, experiencing unwanted continued contact, being called an offensive name, or being physically threatened. Those surveyed were split down the middle on their assessment of the safety of using dating apps, with almost exactly half of those surveyed on each side of the aisle.

While it feels like they’ve been around forever, dating apps are a fairly new phenomenon.

Companies are still trying to iron out the best ways to keep them safe for everyone involved. Outside of safety concerns, many users also call into question the efficacy of using the apps to find a long-term partner, often reporting emotional burnout or fatigue from time commitment and lack of return. Putting yourself out there repeatedly, only to continue to feel stuck and alone, can take a toll on one’s self-confidence and overall mental health. Bumble even has a page on their website dedicated to advising their users to be mindful of burn out and “browse mindfully.”

As a date coach who has helped countless singles navigate using the apps, I see them both as a tool which can be used to meet and interact with other singles, and as a time-consuming, emotionally draining process for most people who use them. For my LGBTQIA+ clients, the apps offer a unique, precious safe space to connect and engage with other queer people at their own pace. The study conducted by Pew Research Center mentioned above says that queer adults “stand out for their use of dating sites and apps: 51% of this group have used one,” which is nearly 20% more comparative to their straight counterparts. The value these companies can provide is not to be dismissed and there are many happy couples out there who owe their relationship success to the use of these apps. 

So what differs between those who are successful in their use of the apps, and those who aren’t?

While I personally believe it’s partially up to luck and chance, I could write a novel on ways to improve your odds of success whilst searching for love on a dating app. Here are three tips for ensuring your time spent on these platforms is effective:

  1. Good photos are non-negotiable. 

  2. Keep your ideal match in mind and write the type of profile that would hook them.

  3. Develop a “get to know you” system that works well for you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by dating but are serious about finding a partner, there are many resources out there available to you to assist in ensuring the process is minimally stressfully and ideally, even enjoyable. You can sign up for my newsletter here to receive free information and advice on dating. If you’re interested in learning more about what it’s like to work alongside a date coach, please inquire.

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